insight

I had a lot to think about since Tuesday and I came to a couple of conclusions, think I should write them down to make them facts, not just thoughts.

My interest in latex was always there, I know that because of the reactions the material triggers in me, but I was not pushing it quite that far and I think I was just not able to go down that route all by myself, I needed to be pushed in the right direction by someone else. Sky gave me that push. He insisted that he wants to meet full covered in latex, erm no hoods, it's public, but the rest, pretty much all covered up, neck to fingertips and toes ;) and I started to think about the total enclosure thing and it first totally freaked me out. Going out in vanilla world like that? I soon discovered that that's actually really easy though. I mean, I've done it before and there are places in London you can easily pull that look of without being stared at. I started to look for a top, something I liked and I ordered finally my first long sleeved top made to measure. I knew already that I will love it, I tried one on at Showgirls before that and knew it's going to feel amazing, the waiting around for things to arrive was driving me relatively nuts though to be honest.
I think that was rather unfortunate as I feel like I lost some precious time while waiting, but it was worth it. I've been out twice since, once to Camden for drinks with friends and to my mates party on Friday night and the 'I like this a lot' - feeling just keeps growing stronger.
I got really annoyed on Friday that the sleeves on the top are just a little bit too short, will have to get someone to stick some cuffs on it to give it an extra 2-3cm and in the meantime I need to get some longer gloves maybe, my skin tone ones did look really good though on Friday and you couldn't really spot the error, nobody noticed but I know it bugged me. I spent 10hours in my latex on Friday, bare feet after a while, the shoes are not made for party, lol and I had to take the gloves off after I think 6-7 hours, because my thumb nails on both hands really started hurting, will have to cut them even shorter next time, they got pushed too much by the latex, but I am really happy with the end result of the night.

So here is a big thank you to Sky, for raising the bar, for pushing me forward and for helping me discover this side on me. Makes me a little bit sad as well, because of the same reasons, he raised that bar and is now pulling out of meeting me. I first was really upset. I spend a lot of time, effort, even money on preparations and he just changed his mind now. Thinking about it all for the last couple of days I am ok with this now and still consider him as a friend. We will have to meet though, even if it's just in jeans and t-shirt and for a coffee but I don't have any online friends and I like to keep it that way, I like to know the person I talk to, even if I only ever see them every 6 months in real. So this is going to be something we will have to put into practise, meeting face to face. No date needed, or latex for that matter. I accept his decision that he's just not feeling like it at the moment. Happens to me too, I lost my 'mojo' more than once and fully understand it. I like him as a person, I like to know the real Sky behind the online persona to establish a real friendship here, I think it's time after 2 1/2 months. So that is food for a conversation.

Going back to my fetish. I decided I won't dress for myself at home. I figured that doesn't give me the right feeling to it. I want to look perfect and pleasing and do it not just at home for myself but for someone important to me. So as much as I know now what I want and what I want to explore in depth I will have to do this slowly and hopefully together with someone at some point. I feel lucky I have friends who understand my kink and that they are there for me when it gets me down, thanks Keira, Naya, Captain, you're the best.

Mxx