someone freeze my Visa

Someone please freeze my Visa! I went to Breathless after work and yes, of course, I didn't leave without buying something, I ordered a black corset, it will be ready within 10 days from today, :D . She was lovely, we talked about different colour trims and how they then limit you with what you can wear it and she said, just change the colour of the lacing! YES! I never thought about this, of course, just change the lacing to the colour matching your outfit! I'll get a 2nd colour with it and I asked for white, or red if white is not available...., sooooo looking forward to it.

Unfortunately I still haven't heard of Jane Doe Latex when my top is going to arrive, sigh. Patience is a virtue, I just haven't got a lot of it at the moment.

Talking about spending money, I have arranged for another tattoo appointment in July, asked for my 30th birthday to be the date, and of course asked to still be wait-listed for January in case someone gets cold feet. Not sure yet what I will get but there is still plenty of time to think that up, I have ideas, it's not that I'm totally clueless, but not yet defined and really difficult to explain.

So here we go, I should stop buying food, would leave me with more money to spend on rubbery goodness.

Mx

obsessed, impatient, frustrated, worried...

...they all fit right now, sometimes all together, sometimes only one or two or three out of the four. No, it's not actually that bad, worried is probably to smallest problem, I am not really worried, just a little bit maybe but I get to that later I think.

My obsession with latex is growing, it's growing slowly and I am still not entirely sure how 'bad' the whole thing actually is, but according to a good friend it's already pretty bad. The day before yesterday I dreamt all night about latex, latex was just everywhere, you know how crazy dreams can sometimes be, you mix lots of things and the whole dream just doesn't make any sense, but I usually don't dream and feel so 'alert' and 'aware' of what I am dreaming about. I think it got to do with me getting really impatient, I wish my latex I ordered would arrive, I wish it would hurry up, not just because I want to wear it, lol, well yes, I want to wear it, but because I want to wear it when going out with Sky for the first time. We've been talking for a while now and we agreed that we should start the way we're supposed to go on, so wearing latex on our first date just makes sense. I am really looking forward to this. Despite, it feels about time that we get to meet each other, I feel strangely calm and utterly nervous at the same time, I think it's because I am not letting myself getting too excited over the whole thing before we actually see if this leads to anything more than what we have now. I like him, I think he's a good person, he's smart and funny and passionate about things. So out of the impatience and obsession there develops frustration because I am not good with waiting for things to happen, I don't like having to wait around. I got a little better with it, but I'm still not very good. Frustration can be something really nice, if it's caused by someone in charge and I know that I will eventually get my reward for being good, but not in this context.

I think I am only a little worried where this all will eventually lead to, but on the other side, why being worried all the time? I learnt an important lesson last year as I got injured and was unable to do even the smallest things without being in constant unpleasant pain, to enjoy every day and live in the now, not to live in a dream world, to look after myself and put my personal well-being first, do what I feel is good for me and to take a risk if I feel I should. This probably sounds pretty confusing, I think it does, but to me it makes perfect sense.

I never been totally normal, I think one reason why I'm single is that I'm not willing to settle for just a bit of what I want but aim for the perfect thing. I want to be perfect for my significant other, I believe that I can only be happy in a loving and caring D/s based relationship, knowing I am in good hands and have my partner improving me, guiding me and helping me discover the real me. I am no door matt, I am my own person, but I  am not complete. I think I digress. Right, I try to keep my expectations low, that is the reason why I don't think about what could happen next in detail, as long as I keep me in the dark, I won't be too disappointed if things won't work out. I got burnt too many times to let my guard down easily, but it's getting harder with every day.

I maybe get back to this another time, enough for today. A wank and some rubbery dreams for me I guess.

Love,

Mx

I'm upset and that's not good!

I just have to get this now out of my system or I am not going to sleep all night I think and that is definitely not an option as I have a busy day tomorrow.

I am a little upset and it's not good, because it shows I care and maybe I care just a little bit too much already.

I haven't heard of Sky in 4 days now, which was kind of ok until tonight, but now it feels like he's just not wanting to talk to me any more and this sudden silence is hurting my feelings. I am annoyed with myself that it upsets me, what a mess. I don't understand why he would though and try to think that he's just busy. Oh well, nothing I can do about, is there. I will just have to stay positive.

One thing lifting my mood is that Jane Doe got back to me and a friend of mine told me tonight that he was only waiting about 10days for his order to arrive, so maybe I'm lucky too :), that would definitely cheer me up.

I'll try to get some sleep,

Mx

more shopping...

I ordered some semi-transparent natural coloured tights from libidex yesterday. Looking forward to getting them! I learnt my lesson on Friday night though, I will have to trim my rather strong fingernails even more, or just wear gloves when taking them off/ putting them on, as I torn a hole into my black leggings when taking them off. It's not too bad, as it's just at ankle height and sure can be fixed but I am still rather annoyed with myself about this.

I still haven't heard back from Jane Doe Latex, although I sent an email, not impressed so far, let's see how this develops.

I suppose when I get those items, I have a nice outfit together though, really exited about it! The black long sleeves top with high neck, my black pencil skirt, natural tights and my beige wrist length gloves, sounds good?

I had another look for a corset, but that's something I think I have to go to the shop for it, I know breathless have got some in stock and even if it's not the right size I can then at least see how wide they are in real and then get the right size ordered.... .

more latex...

I went for some drinks last night first and then met one of my best friends to go to fangtasia to watch a performance of 3 of our friends and for general socialising and catching up, a little dancing etc. My friends performance was outstanding, I really enjoyed it.

A lovely lady did a performance in all white latex, from top to toe, the hood has had only one eye cut out which was framed with red latex and she looked absolutely stunning, I think I was proper staring at her,lol.

We left early but that was ok, I was pretty tired myself and looking forward to stay over as he just got himself some rubber sheets and duvet covers, OMG! That was incredible. I thought I might want to leave and sleep on the sofa after a while but I actually slept really well. Good fun. Lovely smell. Can still smell it and feel it.

Unfortunately I am too stupid to take off my latex leggings with care, I torn a hole in them, just at the end of the leg, ankle height, should be ok to be fixed though, something I may have to get used to, really annoyed with myself though! I should pay more attention! Bad girl!

shopping...

just a quick one, waiting to hear back from Jane Doe Latex, ordered a long-sleeve top with high neck, in black for now, if I like it a lot I will get it in white and then the knee length skirt with black trim in white with it...hmmm

the picture gets clearer ...

... I have done a lot of self-analysing and thinking.

I think I understand now why the outlook on being wrapped in layers and layers of rubber, being covered from top to toe with this lovely stuff is so appealing to me.

Firstly, I am perfectly ok with myself, I don't want to hide behind a layer of latex, I see it as enhancement, it perfects the look, helps underlining my already existing female shape, feels and smells good and most importantly suggests control. It's pretty much like maybe chastity or corset-training is to others I think. I suppose I need(ed) a push in the right direction, waking me up, I will quote something : 'rubberist in the making', that sums it up, without someone motivating me I wouldn't have thought about it really I suppose, but that again refers to a lot of stuff I have tried and I like; someone introduced me to it. I think what makes the whole thing so appealing are a few things: the D/s aspect to it, when being pushed to more and more by your partner, the control and restriction it brings with it. The 'perfecting the look', yes, like dollification, I think. Make me perfect. The sexual aspect, I start to associate sexual arousal with latex, this started with being wrapped up in the body bag the other day, OMG! I am thinking of being wrapped into tight latex, hmmmm. I took a piece of latex with me in holiday, it's a hairpiece, I was wearing it one evening standing in the sun and suddenly a breeze came up, I could smell the sweet lovely scent of latex and I could feel my cunt responding to it instantly. So much to being a crazy pervert ;) . The pleasing your partner aspect, I like to please and it's satisfying to see and hear the others approval....
I think there is a lot more to it.

There is something else, to be honest I'm a little scared of it, just a little. I feel like I will step over the line soon where there will be no return, not that I want to return, but I know that certain experiences will change my life for ever. Realistic I would say, that's what I am, I know it's not going to do me any harm to live out something I think is going to be so right for me.

I am slowly preparing myself and my wardrobe to bring this all to the next level, surprisingly, I am nervous but not worried, I am excited but patient, I don't feel I'm in a big hurry. I will just do one step after the other. Wish me luck, I feel like I found something rather special to me.

Mx

A kink free week...

... actively anyway. I must say, I think I changed quite a lot in the last year or so. I went away for a week, summer holidays in a very vanilla environment, but I had to take some latex with me, so I packed my hair piece and a few other accessories, I have a big red rose to attach to the hair. I was really happy I did.

The 'hottest' moment in this holiday? Standing in the evening sun on the terrace of the pool bar, sipping my white wine spritzer and then 'this smell', the evening sun was shining onto the latex and a slight breeze was blowing this lovely rubbery smell through the air. Hmmmmm, felt so wrong and so right, aroused by this smell, standing in the middle of all those vanillas, such a perv me, haha.