About Me

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London, United Kingdom
I aim to use this blog to get things off my chest, capture my exploits, write some real porn...! All I write really happens, if I ever post fiction I will make this clear in the blog title ;). Feel free to comment if you feel that you have something to add, or just to let me know your thoughts. Lately this is all about dollification and latex, but that changes quite frequently....

Sunday 31 October 2010

some comments I received ...

...relating to my last post 'So that's her then' I feel I like to share, so below some quotes of the private message I received I personally find helpful. ( edited only slightly were needed for privacy reasons) If you haven't read the related post yet, I recommend to read it first, then this one, otherwise this won't make as much sense.


"One way I like to do things, is to take a general concept, like the rubber-doll or sex-doll, take what I like from it and leave the rest.
In many respects, that is what you are doing. Taking what you like, dumping the original image and then replacing it with other elements which are important to you.
There is something rather kinky about a woman wanting to be a rubber/sex-doll rather than a man. There is a wrongness to it, which is pleasing.
Your comment about being put in the libidex suit and being used so to speak, I am guessing that has some objectification elements to it. You want to be used as though it isn't you, in a way, you want your owner to do what he wants, use you for his pleasure, as he would an object. At the same time, it means you are devoid of responsibility for it, it is his doing, not yours."
"It will be interesting to hear when the 2 become 1, the moment, the event during which it happens in your head."
"I think there is a part of you that wants to be told what to wear. This is often not the easiest of things for a guy. e.g. think about how many men actually buy their partner a scarf, let alone a dress, underwear or anything else. Yet women often dream of this.
As a starting point though, you can basically create a wardrobe of attire for yourself and get him to choose from that, which should be easier.
The other element, is that a man will find the idea of being able to "dress you up" and "use you", quite appealing, essentially from a sex/selfish point of view.
Now if that person is your loving partner with your best interests at heart, that selfishness should be embraced and made to work for you."
"The reason I say this, is because men can focus on the wrong parts of it, as I have shown in myself right there. And to you, yes that can be a part of it, but I am sure that isn't one of the important elements to you. Teaching what is important, through example, temptation and above all good communication is very important in getting this part of you going down the right path. There is nothing worse than having something you love be corrupted for you. I have seen it happen. It was actually something which ended a relationship instead of making it stronger."
"The other important part, which at this point, you may not entirely know, but your post already indicates you have an idea, is how often you need it.
That is the thing with kink, it is better to vent often, rather than suffer an explosion. The doll within you has a hunger. It can't get cooped up for too long without good reason and if those opportunities are their, frustration will set in and the manifestation of that may be completely unrelated and not that easy to track back to the real cause.
Wear latex is a passive thing, something which essentially is there most of the time.
Going out in it, being dressed for your owner, that needs to happened fairly regularly.
Being put in the play suit needs to happen on occasions.
Each will have their hunger and each other them will affect the appetite of the others. Whether it is to reduce it, as you have had a feed in one form or another, or it will make your hungrier."
"I think the way that you talk about her, shows the porcelain nature of what you have, how delicate it is."
"I am not sure if you will be able to be at one with her, until you finally find someone to give her to. e.g. for now, you are her owner. It is only when you find someone to own you, that you can finally become her.
It is then he, who has the responsibility of keeping her safe and making sure she gets played with and the attention, protection and love that she needs."
"I guess, at the end, all you really need to say is that you want someone to love all of you. In the end it is not even you and then the doll with in you. It will be just you. (But what you are saying fits in with everything that comes above in regards to it being two parts of you currently.)"
"The other side of things, is remembering to embrace the kink within them. I know that I personally sometimes don't apply the approach I expect others to take to my kink, I don't do in equal amount to theirs. This fact can actually take you by surprise at times, as you don't even notice that you are doing it wrong."
"Oh, I think the other part which can take a bit of explain to some men, is that it isn't all about sex. This kinda comes naturally in reality, but when initially trying to get the concept across, it can be a bit tricky to pull their minds, well, their crotch away from the fact.
I guess that is when you need to use it as a tool. It holds their interest while you explain the rest."
"I think a final point, is to always try and recognise what is a desire of your own and what is a desire of your partners. As at times, you can find yourself thinking they desire something from you, which they don't. And because that is the case, it suddenly becomes something which no one is controlling. Because you think it is his and he thinks it is yours."
"Not sure if any of that helps, but those are a few of my thoughts on the matter.
I think you desires are reasonably common, but what makes them beautiful and unique is you. Always remember that fact."
I'm fascinated and feel a little flattered that someone I don't even know takes such an interest in what I have to say and tries to help me with making very constructive, non-biased comments which admittedly help me right now, maybe especially because this person doesn't know me, doesn't judge me.

Mxx

So that's her then?

I am about to meet my inner doll soon. This probably sounds a little funny, but I am serious. A while back I discovered that I have a rather big latex bug, thinking about what I want and discussing it with Sky I quickly figured that total enclosure in latex is indeed very attractive to me and then I thought 'but I don't want to look like those rubber dolls', mostly wearing black latex all over, sometimes with blown up boobs and unnatural looking 'skin'; I don't want to be black, or red or pink, I want to be perfect and the thought of a porcelain doll, mannequin was born.
This thought since developed but never left me again. I want to be perfect with flawless skin. Perfect and loved and looked after, admired and used and cared for. After having had the chance to look at the colour sample of Rubber55 mannequin coloured latex, I instantly fell for it to be honest, I decided that I will get a hood and a catsuit in exactly this colour. This was about a month ago.
Yesterday I ordered it. I ordered her skin so to say. She's going to need clothes and hair, preferably red curly hair, I haven't found anything suitable yet though, but maybe she's going to have to be without it at first, or maybe with black hair. But yes, she'll need clothes, she can hardly be naked all the time. I was thinking of getting her the same top I have in black in white latex and with a white matching skirt, the skirt will have a black trim around the waist and maybe some pretty white gloves with black trim going with it. oh the options are endless here though and this is not the most important thing just yet.
Then I know she's got a little thing for the 'sex doll' libidex has got on their web page in their fantasy section, she's hoping that who ever is going to own her some day will occasionally stick her in this one for some more naughty play.
She'll not be able to wear the perfect looking skin everyday, but for outings with her owner she'll happily dress in latex, thinking of that, there are so many pretty designs, some printed, some just matt which are more than suitable for 'vanilla' outings and can be thought of when things are more established. She can imagine this will be the way things develop though depending on the owner.

I think she's a little bit scared, or am I? Maybe we are. It's all pretty new and will develop all by itself, so thinking about details to much will just disappoint me or her, or even both of us.

I hope we'll find someone who loves us both, so if there are doubts at any point we'll be able to be strong together. Ultimately, she's me and I'm her, but right now I still separate the both and I have no real idea for how long this will be like this, but I know that I want to know that someone appreciates me for who I am and who I want to be.

One little thing, I am talking about her and me as two different people but I am totally aware that we are not; this helps me to accept that there is something to my kink I have to discover, I know I am not alone with this but I know too that most people are stuck in their fantasy and things hardly ever become reality. How much it's going to be part of my day to day and how much it's going to work for us, when there is a us to work it out at some point is yet unclear and needs to be established there and then, but it's very important to me that whoever will join me for this journey loves me first and then the doll within me. I want to be in a loving, caring relationship and embrace my fetish, our fetish.

Mxx

Friday 29 October 2010

change of plans....

I ordered the catsuit. I know, haha, you are saying now is she serious!? I just don't want to wait any longer. It will be fine, it's not totally over the budget, just a bit, and that means my 'pocket' money for the month November is now spent.

Soooooo excited though! Yay!

Thursday 28 October 2010

gutted

Gutted because I had to be a grown up and not spend my bonus on lots of latex but use it to balance my other bank account but hey, there will be another time to indulge in endless orders.

I still got me some things,lol, I ordered some semi long black gloves, I have the same in red and they are definitely going to be long enough to close that gap between the sleeves of the top and the gloves. Some black socks to go with my black leggings, because feet look silly :P.

AND! My first hood! yay! My first own hood. I went for mannequin coloured :D. Can't wait to get it and try it on. now have to start saving for the catsuit, it has to be made to measure so I assume it will be around 300 pounds maybe, but I already know which one I want, it's the no5 on rubber55's webpage in the thicker latex.

Ok, that's it for now, hehe

Mxx

Sunday 24 October 2010

insight

I had a lot to think about since Tuesday and I came to a couple of conclusions, think I should write them down to make them facts, not just thoughts.

My interest in latex was always there, I know that because of the reactions the material triggers in me, but I was not pushing it quite that far and I think I was just not able to go down that route all by myself, I needed to be pushed in the right direction by someone else. Sky gave me that push. He insisted that he wants to meet full covered in latex, erm no hoods, it's public, but the rest, pretty much all covered up, neck to fingertips and toes ;) and I started to think about the total enclosure thing and it first totally freaked me out. Going out in vanilla world like that? I soon discovered that that's actually really easy though. I mean, I've done it before and there are places in London you can easily pull that look of without being stared at. I started to look for a top, something I liked and I ordered finally my first long sleeved top made to measure. I knew already that I will love it, I tried one on at Showgirls before that and knew it's going to feel amazing, the waiting around for things to arrive was driving me relatively nuts though to be honest.
I think that was rather unfortunate as I feel like I lost some precious time while waiting, but it was worth it. I've been out twice since, once to Camden for drinks with friends and to my mates party on Friday night and the 'I like this a lot' - feeling just keeps growing stronger.
I got really annoyed on Friday that the sleeves on the top are just a little bit too short, will have to get someone to stick some cuffs on it to give it an extra 2-3cm and in the meantime I need to get some longer gloves maybe, my skin tone ones did look really good though on Friday and you couldn't really spot the error, nobody noticed but I know it bugged me. I spent 10hours in my latex on Friday, bare feet after a while, the shoes are not made for party, lol and I had to take the gloves off after I think 6-7 hours, because my thumb nails on both hands really started hurting, will have to cut them even shorter next time, they got pushed too much by the latex, but I am really happy with the end result of the night.

So here is a big thank you to Sky, for raising the bar, for pushing me forward and for helping me discover this side on me. Makes me a little bit sad as well, because of the same reasons, he raised that bar and is now pulling out of meeting me. I first was really upset. I spend a lot of time, effort, even money on preparations and he just changed his mind now. Thinking about it all for the last couple of days I am ok with this now and still consider him as a friend. We will have to meet though, even if it's just in jeans and t-shirt and for a coffee but I don't have any online friends and I like to keep it that way, I like to know the person I talk to, even if I only ever see them every 6 months in real. So this is going to be something we will have to put into practise, meeting face to face. No date needed, or latex for that matter. I accept his decision that he's just not feeling like it at the moment. Happens to me too, I lost my 'mojo' more than once and fully understand it. I like him as a person, I like to know the real Sky behind the online persona to establish a real friendship here, I think it's time after 2 1/2 months. So that is food for a conversation.

Going back to my fetish. I decided I won't dress for myself at home. I figured that doesn't give me the right feeling to it. I want to look perfect and pleasing and do it not just at home for myself but for someone important to me. So as much as I know now what I want and what I want to explore in depth I will have to do this slowly and hopefully together with someone at some point. I feel lucky I have friends who understand my kink and that they are there for me when it gets me down, thanks Keira, Naya, Captain, you're the best.

Mxx

Saturday 23 October 2010

Party time!

LOTS OF LATEX was involved last night and it was just such an amazing night!

Our host went through days of preparation and the place looked just awesome, padded latex floor upstairs, latex covered walls, fairy lights everywhere and plenty of party guests, the most important thing. Everyone looked fantastic.

I was getting there early, taking time to dress to avoid getting too hot and sweaty and it worked out perfectly. I was wearing my 7inch platform knee high boots with my black top and leggings and the corset on top, decided to go for the natural coloured gloves with it and I think I was creeping out the one or other with them, as people didn't realise till getting close that I was wearing gloves, they just blend in so nicely. One of my best girlfriends curled my hair with the curling iron, a look I definitely have to wear more often in future, so a curling iron is on the shopping list now. I LOVED IT! Oh my god, all those fabulous comments about my outfit, from stunning to hot to awesome....I didn't want to take it off at the end of the night, but I had to eventually.

Looking forward to the photos of the night!

Thanks to the fantastic rubber doll which let me play with her, <3 that was an awesome experience.

Mxx

Tuesday 19 October 2010

doing the right thing?

Feeling rather silly now about what I said last night, but thinking about it, it is the way things seems to be. It might have been better to not say anything, no, hold on, that would be silly. I've always been honest and always will be and if someone can't deal with that then it should probably just not be.

I suppose not everyone deals with things that way, people keep their thoughts to themselves rather than talking about it openly, but that makes relationships between individuals so special, if you feel like you can talk about anything and say anything and it will be 'not the wrong thing to do' but just right. I don't ever want to feel like I can not just say how I feel or have the feeling that I will have to keep things to myself because they won't be met  by approval.

So yes, whether or not it will be met with approval, I did the right thing; voicing my concern. There's not much more I can do really, just wait and see what reaction I will get.

Mxx

Saturday 16 October 2010

new top is finally there!

Yay! It just been in the post and it fits perfectly! That was to expect, it's made to measure and it was not me measuring me in the first place but the girl from Atsuko Kudo, so no room for error there, but I was still worried that it won't fit perfectly. It does!

It is lovely and I want it in a million other colours, but I am still a bit annoyed that I had to wait for it so long!

So I just gave it a wash, will then give it a nice polish and then another one and another one,lol!

<3

Wednesday 13 October 2010

finally?

The waiting around for orders to arrive, for getting ready and right just made things worse and I have only one thing on my mind recently and that's meeting Sky, finally, in person. It feels like we already know each other. It's so strange.
I have to admit I'm getting very impatient now, it's been quite some time since we started talking, we get on well and it just seems that meeting each other is well overdue. I literally have to force myself not to think about it too much, it might after all go all wrong and we don't get on as well as we do online, people sometimes are behaving different to what they are like in person, just because they can, because they may not like who they are in real life. I don't think of Sky as being someone like this, otherwise I would have given it all a miss already, my gut says it's right, so let's hope it really is. I am a little worried that he is sick of the waiting game though. Let's hope he's not.
If Jane Doe Latex told the truth the waiting should be over this weekend :). Please!

Monday 11 October 2010

Nooo! No gloves in that colour! Why!

I just had a reply email from rubber 55. I emailed them asking if they do the gloves in the same colour as I like to have the rest of the outfit, mannequin...guess what, yes, they don't! ok, so what now? I have some which would be a similar colour, but well, it's just that, similar, not the same.

Sigh!

So it's definitely going to be longer sleeves then...hmm, rubbish, I hate when I can't get what I want.

outfit complete....

...according to Jane Doe it is going to be this week.

Very excited! I hope the top is nice, sigh, first time I didn't get something from the shop but ordered made to measure, so it should fit, right?

So it's going to be pretty classic, black high neck, long sleeved top, black corset and pencil skirt, semi transparent natural tights, knee high shiny boots and gloves. <3

Definitely an outfit I feel comfortable in.

x

Sunday 3 October 2010

latex plans...

I have been to LAM yesterday, it was Fetish Weekend Special and therefore lots of stall holders were there you usually don't see at LAM. My absolute favourite was Rubber55, I feel a little sorry now that I didn't pay any attention to any other stall really, but I was just so happy to be able to ask them questions and try on hoods,lol.

So now I know my size for a hood from them, which is handy, as I don't like to just order things not being sure if it's going to fit, she told me it's a 'male size S' or 'female size M', so here we go, it's now on my blog, no chance to forget that again. Another question I had was if they are able to add a crotch zip to those lovely black seemed tights, yes of course they can, then it's going to be a custom made piece though. Good to know.

And finally! I was able to hold on a colour sample of their 'mannequin' coloured latex! OMG! It's perfect! Absolutely perfect! I can already picture the whole catsuit, gloves, hood, all in this perfect colour! How awesome! My friend who owns a doll suit from Libidex said then that that's a so much better colour for a 'human sex doll' than the colour libidex uses for the doll-suit and I have to agree. sigh, this is all really exciting!

I'm soon off to todays LAM at the regular venue, for lots of workshops and to be a demo bunny for my friends Stephen and Maria from Edgeplay at their needles workshop. Looking forward to it, haven't had any needles in aaaaages! I sure will write about it tonight :D.

Bye for now,

Love Mx