thinking of full rubber, sensory deprivation, tight bondage, breath- and medical play....[fiction, for the moment anyway ;) ]

I'm wearing my new black Libidex catsuit, and knee high platform patent black boots. He's doing up my corset, pulling hard on the laces, making me lose balance ever so slightly. I love how this makes me feel so vulnerable and small.

Corset all done up, he passes me my black gloves, a pair of earplugs and a plain black hood. I have a last sip on my G&T and then add the items I was given to my outfit. Fully covered now, deaf to any sounds around me, I'm losing myself under his touch. He stands in front of me, hands running across my body, he grabs my ass and pulls me close. I can feel his cock pressing against his trousers. I gasp, my heart is beating faster, his lips pressing hard against mine, eyes locking for a moment, he kisses me forcefully. I feel like I'm melting under his touch.

He lets go of me just enough to lead me to the bedroom, gets the blindfold out and takes another sense away from me. I'm insanely aroused, slightly scared, my heart is beating so fast, it feels like it tries to escape my body. With his hands on my shoulders he pushes me back and down, sitting on the edge of the bed I'm waiting. I can't hear, can't see. He takes my hand and I can feel the wrist cuff being made up, then the other, he then moves down stroking my latex covered skin on the way, applying pressure as he gets to the top of my thighs, squeezing my skin; then he and attaches the other set of cuffs to my ankles. He maneuvers me gently backwards so I lie in the middle of the bed, wrists getting gently pulled up and attached to the metal frame, ankles are now spread by a black metal bar. His hands run across my whole body, sometimes soft, sometimes with more force, stroking my shiny shell. Fingers run over my nipples, tracing the lines of my piercings, one last passionate kiss followed by the ball gag.

Hands running down between my thighs, fingers looking for the zip of the catsuit, he opens it only a few centimeters, just enough for two fingers, exploring, finding my cunt dripping wet, waiting, aching for his touch.
He plays with my VCH and fingers me gently, I can't help it and try to press myself against his touch. I guess that was too much moving about already as he stops and shortly after the bar gets pulled tight in one direction, whatever he's done, I can't move my legs around anymore. His hands undo the zip and expose my wet cunt. My mind is racing with all sorts of thoughts, I would love to feel his tongue caressing my clit, but I don't know what he has planned, which makes it all so much more exciting.

There's a small break, hands suddenly touch my skin between my legs, a cold, lubed up feel, followed by cold metal slowly entering my cunt, I gasp, this must be the speculum, oh my! I love the cold steel against my hot skin. He puts it in position and opens it up slightly, I can feel he's going sideways, not vertical, which I would only do when planning to go ahead and use the sounds next. My first orgasm overruns me without much warning, sending shakes and shivers down my spine......

to be continued? Inspire me ;)

Rubber, my biggest love and downfall

It's all in the title. I guess this will always be the one thing I have no idea what will happen, how far I will go, will I get to a point where I think 'hold on, this is too much' or will I always feel like there could be more somewhere. Hidden.
Recent encounters, old and new, in real life and online have only done one thing, and I'm not sure if I like it.
Realizing what rubber means to me has to be the biggest step I made so far in my journey of finding the real me. Knowing I relate it to a strong D/s context is frightening and reassuring.
Getting these thoughts out of my head may help to sort out my mind a bit and benefit the clear thinking.
One thing I know I need to do for sure is think less, do more.
In other words, to myself:
Take your own advice more often, Love. Me.

Rubber Wednesday

It's Wednesday 10am and I currently have all the rubber laid out on my bed. I am putting my outfit together for later. P is coming over for our first rubber playdate. We only met very recently and I'm pretty excited about meeting someone who understands the rubber/latex fetish the way I do.
After a little bit of thinking and moving items around on the bed I decide on my outfit and put away everything else I won't need. Now to carry on with my preparations. I still have plenty of time till 1pm, but I like to take my time and make sure I have everything ready. And most importantly, that I'm feeling ready. Rubber is probably the most high maintenance play of all, starting up to two days in advance with exfoliating and shaving. You can't shave on the day, rubber and freshly shaved skin don't like each other much; then some more exfoliating, it's better for your rubber as well as for your skin. On the day I do my usual play-preps.
I'm a huge fan of anal play, so I give myself a nice proper clean with the enema kit. It enhances the sensations, there's no mess and it leaves me more relaxed for play.
Another part of my preparation is deciding on what toys to get out. I settle for a variation of butt plugs, the Hitachi with attachment, inflatable dildo, cuffs and spreader bar, a rubber hood which only has a mouth opening and my S10, which was modified for more controlled breath play. Breath play excites me, a lot.
Then finally, light, scent, music. It all works together.

I start to get dressed about 45mins before P arrives. This part is as exciting as the play. The slow transformation into this rubber play thing, object, doll, fucktoy, you chose; we all feel different about it, depending on the situation and the response we get, but one thing is always the same, it's pure sex. It is beautiful. Rubber enhances your looks, the feel, and your skin transforms into this perfect shiny finish, flawless.
I start with my see-through tights, I put some dressing aid around my ankles and they slide on nicely. Then the white long sleeve high neck top, it's skin tight, thick latex, made to measure and fits like a 2nd skin. I add my white pencil skirt topped by my black underbust corset. Finishing the look with a pair of black and white plateau shoes with 5 1/2 inch heels. Now only my hood and gloves are missing. I will not put them on just yet.

A few minutes before 1pm my phone starts ringing. he is downstairs. I throw him my keys so I don't need to climb two flights of stairs to let him in. Wow, my heart is beating now, I hope he likes what I chose. I asked before the play date what he likes and he said he likes surprises. He opens the door and comes in, his smile and eyes tell me he likes what he sees. Instantly I feel a bit calmer.
He has brought a nice chilled bottle of wine and we sit down for a relaxing chat and a glass of white to take the edge off before he goes to change into his catsuit. I think we can both tell that we're a bit nervous and excited. I am definitely nervous now. After a while he gets up and goes to my bedroom to change.
I stay on the couch with my glass of wine, listening to the sounds of him dressing in his latex. I love the sound that rubber makes when you dress. I can't explain it well, but any Rubberist will know what I mean. I just sit there, close my eyes and listen. A wave of arousal rushes through my body.

He re-enters the living room and I get even more excited. I love latex and he looks really, really good in it. I ask him politely to get me my hood and my gloves. Covering up completely usually gets me into a really intense head space, it's the total transformation. I am now really nervous. Putting my hood on, zipping it up, the black and white rubber pigtails are falling down on my shoulders, it's a cool, soothing sensation. I add my gloves and that's it. Fully enclosed in latex. It's a weird feeling, I have never been with anyone except for my best friend when totally enclosed in latex and now I'm sitting here with P and for a moment I don't really know what to say or do. We have another sip of wine and then get up. Standing in the middle of my living room, he starts running his hands all over my latex clad body. I close me eyes and relax into the sensation, let him kiss me, caress me. His hands brush over my nipples and I gasp, it all feels so much more intense through the layer of latex. I feel a bit light-headed and could easily fall into my submissive mindset, but for some reason I don't.
We move to my bedroom and I am now glad I put some thought into the play as I will be topping, my first time in full rubber, he's very cute about it being my space and that I should be in charge for this first time.
Surprisingly, it works for me, my head isn't all fuzzy and subby and I'm actually excited that I do get to have my way with him for the next hour or so, I don't pay attention to time, it's not really important apart from the moments when I count the seconds whilst depriving him of oxygen, that is the only time it counts, but on to that part later.
I rid myself of my skirt and my shoes, as pretty as they are, they won't be much use now, the see-through leggings have a zip in the crotch, my corset and top are comfortable too, so the rest of my outfit stays on.

I ask him to lie down on the bed, in the middle, flat on his back and check if he's comfortable. Looking at him lying there I take a moment before I get my wrist and ankle cuffs and the spreader bar. I climb on top of him, feeling his cock pressing against his catsuit as I lower myself onto his crotch. I slowly put the wrist cuffs on, first the right then the left and clip them overhead onto my bed frame. I then add the ankle cuffs and attach them to the bar, his legs straight and in a comfortable position. I take a moment to look at him. Next is the hood, it only has a mouth opening, no eyes. I gently zip it up, making sure I won't catch his hair.
I hold in again for a second, admiring the look of my now shiny toy in front of me. I run my hands over his body; first light, then with some more pressure, feeling his muscles under the shiny black latex. My hands stroke over his crotch and I can feel his hard cock responding to my touch.
My hands go exploring for the zip of his catsuit, I undo it just enough to access his arse and expose his cock. I grab one of the thin latex gloves and using some lube I let my index finger slowly explore, caressing his cock and balls with my other hand, I can feel he is relaxing into my touch. Choosing the rubber hood makes things a lot harder for me, the missing eye contact means I have to entirely rely on reading his reactions and body language, but I think sensation-wise the hood is adding a lot to his pleasure and I want him to enjoy what I am doing with him.
I remove the glove to get my hands free to play with his cock. My mouth around his tip, slowly running my tongue down his shaft, then taking him deep. The rubber hood is making it harder for me to open my mouth nice and wide, but I enjoy the restriction, and I enjoy sucking his cock for a little while. I then focus my attention again on his butt. I get a fresh glove and gently work my way up to two fingers before moving on to my medium sized butt plug. I gently play with the plug, penetrate him, till I'm able to push it completely in. I then zip up his catsuit so only his cock is exposed, with one hand I am pushing and caressing the plug through the rubber, gently changing pressure, with the other I am playing with his hard cock. I carry on like this for a moment, hoping he enjoys it as much as I do. I entirely rely on my instincts and what I would enjoy being done to me, if I would be lying there right now.
Finally I move towards my Hitachi. I unzip the suit again so I get access to the butt plug. I remove this one and let him know that the next is attached to a vibrator, as he can't see what I'm doing and I don't want to startle him. I always wanted to have a go on a boy with my magic wand, this will be new. I still hope I will get some feedback on how it felt for him. Ultimately, I want to be able to make him come just from prostate stimulation, but as I don't know him very well, I don't expect anything from today. The Hitachi can be very intense and I don't want to push the levels of stimulation up to getting uncomfortable. I play with him for a little while and then move on to what else I have in mind for him today.
I slowly remove the hood, shielding his eyes. It is all too bright at first after a certain time in darkness, his eyes need a moment to adjust.
I give him a second and then present him with my gas mask. He smiles and nods. The words 'good boy' flash through my head and I smile. There is not a lot of verbal communication, I like it that way. I am now really excited and look forward to fucking him whilst being in control of his breathing.

The gas mask goes on and I tighten the straps around his head, making sure it sits comfortably but secure.
My hands stroke over the mask, gently, like I would be touching his face. I can see his eyes now, this is a welcome change. I like a bit of eye contact during breath play, it makes it all the more intense.

My hand is caressing his body and slowly moving to his cock. He is still hard and I can now feel my excitement too. My clit responds with a light throbbing sensation. I unzip my tights and touch myself. My pussy is wet and warm, I think it is time to fuck him now. I get a condom and pull it over his hard cock before I slowly lower myself onto him. I gasp with pleasure, feeling him slowly slide deep inside me. I love this first moment of penetration, nerve endings respond, my cunt tightening around him. I lean back a bit to feel him even deeper, and then I start to fuck him. My hands run over his upper body and towards the mask. One hand gently rests on his right cheek, the other covers up the only entrance/exit for fresh air. I silently count, holding my own breath, holding eye contact with him, slowly moving towards the rush you get when you can't breathe. I remove my hand and he takes a deep breath. I don't hesitate and cover up the air supply again, all he's got is the one breath of fresh air. His cock is now responding to my little game, I can feel him getting harder. I push him a bit further this time and his reactions are just wonderful. He is pushing his cock towards me, fucking me now. Trying to breathe, struggling in his restraints, his eyes locked with mine. One more second, two, I let him breathe.
I want to feel him up my arse so badly now, I think it's time for a small change. My tights open up just about enough to allow anal penetration. I get some lube and slowly push myself down on him. This feels so good. I carry on using his cock for my pleasure, slowly riding him, play with the gas mask and his air supply and make myself come again and again with his cock deep up my arse. The mask comes off eventually, one of the straps loosened during play, that's fine. It will stay off.
I unclip the wrist cuffs and then turn around to do the same to his ankles, I think it's time for a small change in roles now. A fresh condom and I get him to fuck me doggy style, nice, deep, hard thrusts, his hands grab me by my waist and he pulls me towards him. He fucks me and I'm high on the adrenaline of the play, the smell of rubber and the feel of him deep inside me. I completely loose my feeling for time. He comes hard. Exhausted we collapse on the bed. And then there's the real urge to get out of the rubber. I think we're both really hot and sweaty. It's time for a nice hot shower now.


All in all this was a brilliant first, I hope for a repeat sometime soon, maybe with him on top this time and naked after care cuddles included ;).

PS
(I like to say that this was extremely hard for me to write. When I sub, lots of things go through my head. I perceive the whole play a lot differently, writing about this with me being Top was difficult. I didn't want it to sound clinical but there's a lot more actual thinking and doing going on, as if you're on the receiving end. I wanted to capture this in my blog, as it was a first for me, a couple of firsts actually, and I truly enjoyed the experience. I felt nervous and excited about playing with someone new. Someone who seems to have the same passion for the material as I do. It was amazing and I hope there will be some repeats.)

Heavy rubber

So yes, the focus is still on rubber!

I really enjoy this, I enjoy other things but this is something very intense and special. I am a proper rubber perv I think, hehe.

Right, we had a playdate arranged, heavy rubber themed, that's all I knew, I wasn't aware of what is going to happen and when, just that I will of course bring latex and cover up completely.

I arrived and whilst having a relaxing pint of bitter started to get dressed, leggings, socks, long sleeve top, long gloves, corset, skirt, but I forgot the shoes, which wasn't too much of a drama. Later I found out that he wasn't very happy with my choice of putting on a skirt, lol, but he quickly got rid of it again as it was in the way.

Everything was set up, bondage bench, st. andrews cross, medical chair, fucking machine, sybian, but for some funny reason I thought, ah well, some will be just out to intimidate me a bit, he's surely not using ALL of it in one play session!? I can be really naive sometimes!

After I was completely dressed and felt ok and relaxed the hood came on and I was now completely covered , he turned me around towards the mirror, I looked at the pretty rubber doll and thought, gosh this is just so hot! I love the way the latex transforms me. I feel like a total different person. He started with some strokes and relaxing hugs and then put a gas mask on which made me relax even more, I now have to admit before we are getting confused that this happened a while back, I think end of November and I will most likely get it mixed up a bit, but nevertheless I like to write it down, as I haven't at the time.

So here were we, still standing, doing some very light breath play, relaxing into the situation, accepting the fact I'm out of control now and just let things happen and enjoy them. The skirt came then of as it was in the way and he placed me on the medical chair, rubber straps were applied to hold me in place, around the legs and the waist, immobile there wasn't much resistance from my side as the zip on my leggings was opened slowly, exposing my clit, piercing and cunt, I could feel how aroused I was, upper body strapped tight to the chair, I was not able to look what he's doing, or having in his hands, the gas mask limiting my sight extremely. I focused on my breathing and his touch getting more and more excited. I never really thought very highly about e-stimulation, as he inserted the little bullet into my cunt I wasn't entirely sure what it is until after a few moments I could feel my muscles starting to respond to the stimulation, first very light, nearly unnoticed, then stronger and stronger, to the point where I thought it almost feels unpleasant but soon the rhythm in which the little shocks got sent changed and changed again, sending me on a very interesting journey, I thought at that point how it might feel to have the same up my bum, secretly hoping it might get placed there later, the other half of me not wanting this to happen, I'm a little bit mixed up sometimes.

I can't remember in detail any more what happened on the chair, but he moved me after a while towards the bondage bench, stuck me into the inflatable heavy rubber sleeping back, e-stim bullet still in my cunt, nicely zipped up so it stayed in place, magic wand between my legs and zipped the sleeping bag up and inflated the whole thing, this just feels amazing, being tightly enclosed in all the latexy goodness I felt myself drifting off further and further.....I think I got a bit uneasy as the magic wand heated up, it feels much hotter than it actually is, oh well, i think i was in that position for quite a while, floaty and totally obedient as I now felt he got me out of the sleeping bag, placed me on my knees on top of the bondage bench and fucked me for a little while with his rubber cock pants, this is just awesome by the way, trousers with moulded rubber cocks, yummy! after some hard thrusts he turned me around and made me go down on my knees, having me worship and suck his rubbered up cock for a while before he then pulled me back up on my feet and put a new, heavier hood on me, this one had an attachable blindfold and only a small hole over the mouth to breath through. moving me towards the sybian and placing me on top of it, making sure the insertable goes in the right place, he then strapped up my legs and arms, making sure i can't support my weight with anything other than sitting still on top of the sybian. this is a very evil machine! he left me on there for a while, setting quite high, no idea if it was the highest but it's just too much stimulation to be good, hehe. I started to focus on my breathing, trying to ignore the almost painful stimulation from the sybian as he decided to exchange the hood to one of the re-breather latex hoods with the see-through bit on the front. this is seriously fucked up breath play, I loved it. I was scared, proper scared as it's nearly impossible to breath and get the little tiny hole which is in the wide bit to hit your mouth when it sucks close to your face....after a couple of minutes and heavy uncontrolled breathing followed and accompanied by silly attempts to get out of the situation and seriously feeling like I am going to faint or even die, I was seriously terrified! he removed the hood and allowed me the so much desired  deep breaths of fresh air, I instantly started giggling uncontrollably, totally high on adrenaline now. Wow, that was sooooo hot! I didn't come, the sybian just over-stimulates so much, I was unable to.....releasing the restraints and helping me off the sybian I kind of felt like this was now it, but I was terribly wrong. we only moved on to the St. Andrews cross, which was lying on top of the cage in a 45 degrees angle, tight to it secure so it couldn't slide down and I was tied to it securely, legs wide spread giving open access to my already wet cunt, a little pillow supporting my head i was now once again at his mercy.

I'm not entirely sure any more but I think the inflatable hood was then put on, this one has a breathing tube and that got attached to a re-breather bag I think, more breath play, heaven for the already high and floaty me! The fucking machine then got put in place, god this is really good, it just does not stop, steady it goes, penetrating me cunt with nice steady thrusts, the re-breathing getting me slowly light-headed and I could feel how I was slowly moving on towards a nice climax, reaching orgasm just at the point where I felt like I'm going to faint, no more oxygen left and fighting in my restraints, only wanting to breathe! Absolutely amazing! those are definitely the best orgasms on earth ( so far ;) I just loved it.

After recovering a little bit I had a nice hot shower and wrapped up in a towel and blanket some toast and tea. Perfect rubber play date, indeed!

Looking forward to more with big anticipation.

Mxx

skin is totally overrated...

So Friday evenings are always a bit meh, I wanted to go for after work drinks as I wasn't in the best mood and gladly first one then another of my friends met up with me for a couple. We had the usual chit chat and then thought that we actually are in the mood for going out and getting all rubbered up, hehe. Plans then first changed again as my girl friend pulled out, not happy about going just to Camden, but after sitting around my friends place he soon convinced me that we should go to Surrender, so he put me in a round trip taxi to pick up my latex and things at home, as I came straight from work I haven't had anything with me, it's not that I carry emergency latex with me at all times,lol, and I soon got back and we got ready to go out. I am amazed how quickly I was dressed, with very little effort and not getting overly heated up or anything, actually not at all, I really improved on this one, love it! I was wearing my black long sleeved top, corset and leggings, black gloves and my ankle boots and I stuck the pigtails hood in my bag, to put on once we got to the venue. Really excited now about being all shiny and looking so fabulous we took a taxi to the venue. We arrived and were instantly bumping in some familiar faces, after saying hi to a couple people one of our mates and part of the crew that night gave us a little show-round and guided us to the dungeon area, which was well hidden on the upper floor, accessible via a rather steep and narrow staircase, well lid but not bright, with plenty of space to move around and all the necessary kit available I instantly liked it. Music was not to loud and catered well for the ambience in my opinion, I felt comfortable and was happy it wasn't packed or too empty but just about right.

I soon decided to put on the hood as well and as there was no mirror I asked a lovely friend of mine to give me a hand, she happily agreed to.

Now fully dressed I instantly felt different. I loved it, I think I must have been smiling like an idiot all night, I was so happy, in my little happy place, a pretty, shiny rubber doll.

My friend went off to play with another girl and I spend some time socialising and simply enjoying the atmosphere and how I felt all covered up. After a little while I joined my friend again and as if I wasn't a really happy dolly already, he then tied my up with nice soft red rope on top of the latex. I have to say, this was the first time I had bondage on top of latex and I really enjoyed it, immobility, helplessness, it all works for me. I got tied to the suspension frame, standing on my tip toes, neck wrapped with rope and linked to the whole, this was such an awesome feeling, felt like being hung from the neck, I knew it's all actually tied to the chest harness, I was able to switch off my mind and just enjoy the 'danger', hehe. As he took me down after a while I felt a little spaced and unable to move for a moment, feeling like an object, not a person was incredibly hot. I remember a friend was official photographer that night and he took some photos of this, I am curious how they going to look like and if they will reflect how I felt.... .

We left fairly early I think, but to be honest I have no real idea what time it was as we got back in. Trading the corset against a hood for the night, no eyes, just mouth opening, we went to bed, me still fully covered up, tugged in under the rubber bed sheets, I was in latex heaven.

With my sense of vision removed I felt even more objectified, my personal wants, likes and needs were secondary, he suggested that the hoods only opening would be of better use giving a blow job and then left me to decide, or better the doll as I was no longer myself and I loved it. I first hesitated, but the doll inside me was longing for being used in that way so I gave her what she needed. He soon moved me around, turned me on my back and his hands went looking for the crotch zip of my leggings, the only access point of doll without removing any layers of latex....this was all incredibly hot, I felt how my arms and legs turned less and less responsive, it's amazing how much the mind influences the body, doll took over, I was only watching now. I was pleased he just did what he wanted, I was there to be used, not to decide what will happen next. Without much preparation I felt his cock entering my cunt, he was fucking her now, using her for his pleasure and I have to admit it was incredibly hot, not being able to see, not feeling able to move or to speak. This was my first ever time having rubbered up sex, being totally covered with latex, I loved it so much! Like I said, skin is totally overrated. He turned me around after a while, the doll mind still responding and in this way my body just doing what it's told, move arms to support, spread legs to give access to my cunt and let him fuck me really hard. I personally love rough sex and it seems that a hood and lots of latex just enhance the experience and change it to ultra hot and must have more often soon. I didn't come, my hand was guided by him more than once to my clit, but I feel unable to focus on me when wanting to be of use for someone else, my pleasure is no longer important, I get pleasure of knowing he's enjoying himself, but I am unable it seems to make me orgasm just yet, I suppose I will though with a little practise, the whole experience was pretty wow and overwhelming. As he was finished with her the crotch just got zipped up and I got tugged away underneath the duvet, still wearing the hood and with the rest of my body covered in latex and then wrapped in a latex covered duvet I fell asleep with a big grin in my face.

Sleeping with the hood on was incredibly comfy. He asked me at some point during the night if I don't fancy to take some of the latex off but I refused, I didn't want to get out of my 2nd skin, I just loved it too much.

after having a good night sleep the doll in me decided that there is only one true way to wake him up and that is with her mouth around his cock, still wearing the hood I wasn't able to see his face or reactions, but having my eyes covered and imagining how it all looked was a real turn on for me. He soon moved me around again, put me on my back arms and legs in place and left me there for a second to get some toys. It's incredible how much you hear when one of your senses is taken and you have to solely rely on the other.

He pulled up the hood a little and put a rubber piece over nose and mouth, I knew this was ensure I was able to breath and nothing was blocking mouth or nose, then another hood went over the whole lot, this one has a breathing tube, it's the inflatable one, it tightens over your skin when inflated and feels incredible. The mouthpiece did a good job as it was much easier to keep the breathing tube in place, even after the hood was inflated. He then placed a wide posture collar around my neck so moving my head was out of question, too. He strapped my arms together in front of my body and applied two more straps around my upper body to make me completely immobile and then attached a re-breather bag to the tube, OMG, at this stage I had to focus for a second to not fall into panic, but I kept my calm and enjoyed. I was breathing fairly relaxed, not using up too much oxygen, but as he opened the zip to my crotch again I instantly got excited and my breathing went up, breathplay and penetrative sex together are most likely the hottest things on earth, combined with all the latex I think it all was a little bit too exciting, As I came close to not being able to breath at all anymore he read my struggles right and removed the re-breather bag, giving me the chance to get some fresh air, still difficult as it all had to go through the little tube, me still being very excited and him using my cunt for his pleasure, calling me rubber fuck doll, the doll in me felt incredibly pleased, the re-breather bag was attached one more time, but I think I need more practise with this, despite having my hand again led to my clit, I was unable to cum, short of breath the bag got removed again. I would have loved to have an orgasm like that, I remember us doing some breathplay like this and I know the orgasms are mind blowing, but I'm not sorry I didn't manage. I felt great, I was pleased about him enjoying this all so much, I enjoyed it a lot too. I was then told to get the rubber off, still not very willing to actually do so, hehe, he unzipped my top and helped me out of it and the gloves before i got out of my leggings and sent into a hot running shower, :D.

We settled for a fry up for breakfast which I probably really needed, being all weak and wobbly and still a bit floaty, hehe. I'm such a pervert,:P.

meh moments, latex related?

Ok here's a thought. I had a really good time on Friday with all the rubbery fun and all the latex to wear, go out and sleep in, but I now think as happy it makes me at the time, as low I'm feeling without it; and without the one by my side who encourages and wants me to wear it, I don't feel like wearing it if that makes any sense.

I don't know what to make of it all now. I sure have to find a better balance and the one to share it with.

So that's her then?

I am about to meet my inner doll soon. This probably sounds a little funny, but I am serious. A while back I discovered that I have a rather big latex bug, thinking about what I want and discussing it with Sky I quickly figured that total enclosure in latex is indeed very attractive to me and then I thought 'but I don't want to look like those rubber dolls', mostly wearing black latex all over, sometimes with blown up boobs and unnatural looking 'skin'; I don't want to be black, or red or pink, I want to be perfect and the thought of a porcelain doll, mannequin was born.
This thought since developed but never left me again. I want to be perfect with flawless skin. Perfect and loved and looked after, admired and used and cared for. After having had the chance to look at the colour sample of Rubber55 mannequin coloured latex, I instantly fell for it to be honest, I decided that I will get a hood and a catsuit in exactly this colour. This was about a month ago.
Yesterday I ordered it. I ordered her skin so to say. She's going to need clothes and hair, preferably red curly hair, I haven't found anything suitable yet though, but maybe she's going to have to be without it at first, or maybe with black hair. But yes, she'll need clothes, she can hardly be naked all the time. I was thinking of getting her the same top I have in black in white latex and with a white matching skirt, the skirt will have a black trim around the waist and maybe some pretty white gloves with black trim going with it. oh the options are endless here though and this is not the most important thing just yet.
Then I know she's got a little thing for the 'sex doll' libidex has got on their web page in their fantasy section, she's hoping that who ever is going to own her some day will occasionally stick her in this one for some more naughty play.
She'll not be able to wear the perfect looking skin everyday, but for outings with her owner she'll happily dress in latex, thinking of that, there are so many pretty designs, some printed, some just matt which are more than suitable for 'vanilla' outings and can be thought of when things are more established. She can imagine this will be the way things develop though depending on the owner.

I think she's a little bit scared, or am I? Maybe we are. It's all pretty new and will develop all by itself, so thinking about details to much will just disappoint me or her, or even both of us.

I hope we'll find someone who loves us both, so if there are doubts at any point we'll be able to be strong together. Ultimately, she's me and I'm her, but right now I still separate the both and I have no real idea for how long this will be like this, but I know that I want to know that someone appreciates me for who I am and who I want to be.

One little thing, I am talking about her and me as two different people but I am totally aware that we are not; this helps me to accept that there is something to my kink I have to discover, I know I am not alone with this but I know too that most people are stuck in their fantasy and things hardly ever become reality. How much it's going to be part of my day to day and how much it's going to work for us, when there is a us to work it out at some point is yet unclear and needs to be established there and then, but it's very important to me that whoever will join me for this journey loves me first and then the doll within me. I want to be in a loving, caring relationship and embrace my fetish, our fetish.

Mxx

change of plans....

I ordered the catsuit. I know, haha, you are saying now is she serious!? I just don't want to wait any longer. It will be fine, it's not totally over the budget, just a bit, and that means my 'pocket' money for the month November is now spent.

Soooooo excited though! Yay!

gutted

Gutted because I had to be a grown up and not spend my bonus on lots of latex but use it to balance my other bank account but hey, there will be another time to indulge in endless orders.

I still got me some things,lol, I ordered some semi long black gloves, I have the same in red and they are definitely going to be long enough to close that gap between the sleeves of the top and the gloves. Some black socks to go with my black leggings, because feet look silly :P.

AND! My first hood! yay! My first own hood. I went for mannequin coloured :D. Can't wait to get it and try it on. now have to start saving for the catsuit, it has to be made to measure so I assume it will be around 300 pounds maybe, but I already know which one I want, it's the no5 on rubber55's webpage in the thicker latex.

Ok, that's it for now, hehe

Mxx

Party time!

LOTS OF LATEX was involved last night and it was just such an amazing night!

Our host went through days of preparation and the place looked just awesome, padded latex floor upstairs, latex covered walls, fairy lights everywhere and plenty of party guests, the most important thing. Everyone looked fantastic.

I was getting there early, taking time to dress to avoid getting too hot and sweaty and it worked out perfectly. I was wearing my 7inch platform knee high boots with my black top and leggings and the corset on top, decided to go for the natural coloured gloves with it and I think I was creeping out the one or other with them, as people didn't realise till getting close that I was wearing gloves, they just blend in so nicely. One of my best girlfriends curled my hair with the curling iron, a look I definitely have to wear more often in future, so a curling iron is on the shopping list now. I LOVED IT! Oh my god, all those fabulous comments about my outfit, from stunning to hot to awesome....I didn't want to take it off at the end of the night, but I had to eventually.

Looking forward to the photos of the night!

Thanks to the fantastic rubber doll which let me play with her, <3 that was an awesome experience.

Mxx

new top is finally there!

Yay! It just been in the post and it fits perfectly! That was to expect, it's made to measure and it was not me measuring me in the first place but the girl from Atsuko Kudo, so no room for error there, but I was still worried that it won't fit perfectly. It does!

It is lovely and I want it in a million other colours, but I am still a bit annoyed that I had to wait for it so long!

So I just gave it a wash, will then give it a nice polish and then another one and another one,lol!

<3

outfit complete....

...according to Jane Doe it is going to be this week.

Very excited! I hope the top is nice, sigh, first time I didn't get something from the shop but ordered made to measure, so it should fit, right?

So it's going to be pretty classic, black high neck, long sleeved top, black corset and pencil skirt, semi transparent natural tights, knee high shiny boots and gloves. <3

Definitely an outfit I feel comfortable in.

x

latex plans...

I have been to LAM yesterday, it was Fetish Weekend Special and therefore lots of stall holders were there you usually don't see at LAM. My absolute favourite was Rubber55, I feel a little sorry now that I didn't pay any attention to any other stall really, but I was just so happy to be able to ask them questions and try on hoods,lol.

So now I know my size for a hood from them, which is handy, as I don't like to just order things not being sure if it's going to fit, she told me it's a 'male size S' or 'female size M', so here we go, it's now on my blog, no chance to forget that again. Another question I had was if they are able to add a crotch zip to those lovely black seemed tights, yes of course they can, then it's going to be a custom made piece though. Good to know.

And finally! I was able to hold on a colour sample of their 'mannequin' coloured latex! OMG! It's perfect! Absolutely perfect! I can already picture the whole catsuit, gloves, hood, all in this perfect colour! How awesome! My friend who owns a doll suit from Libidex said then that that's a so much better colour for a 'human sex doll' than the colour libidex uses for the doll-suit and I have to agree. sigh, this is all really exciting!

I'm soon off to todays LAM at the regular venue, for lots of workshops and to be a demo bunny for my friends Stephen and Maria from Edgeplay at their needles workshop. Looking forward to it, haven't had any needles in aaaaages! I sure will write about it tonight :D.

Bye for now,

Love Mx

someone freeze my Visa

Someone please freeze my Visa! I went to Breathless after work and yes, of course, I didn't leave without buying something, I ordered a black corset, it will be ready within 10 days from today, :D . She was lovely, we talked about different colour trims and how they then limit you with what you can wear it and she said, just change the colour of the lacing! YES! I never thought about this, of course, just change the lacing to the colour matching your outfit! I'll get a 2nd colour with it and I asked for white, or red if white is not available...., sooooo looking forward to it.

Unfortunately I still haven't heard of Jane Doe Latex when my top is going to arrive, sigh. Patience is a virtue, I just haven't got a lot of it at the moment.

Talking about spending money, I have arranged for another tattoo appointment in July, asked for my 30th birthday to be the date, and of course asked to still be wait-listed for January in case someone gets cold feet. Not sure yet what I will get but there is still plenty of time to think that up, I have ideas, it's not that I'm totally clueless, but not yet defined and really difficult to explain.

So here we go, I should stop buying food, would leave me with more money to spend on rubbery goodness.

Mx

obsessed, impatient, frustrated, worried...

...they all fit right now, sometimes all together, sometimes only one or two or three out of the four. No, it's not actually that bad, worried is probably to smallest problem, I am not really worried, just a little bit maybe but I get to that later I think.

My obsession with latex is growing, it's growing slowly and I am still not entirely sure how 'bad' the whole thing actually is, but according to a good friend it's already pretty bad. The day before yesterday I dreamt all night about latex, latex was just everywhere, you know how crazy dreams can sometimes be, you mix lots of things and the whole dream just doesn't make any sense, but I usually don't dream and feel so 'alert' and 'aware' of what I am dreaming about. I think it got to do with me getting really impatient, I wish my latex I ordered would arrive, I wish it would hurry up, not just because I want to wear it, lol, well yes, I want to wear it, but because I want to wear it when going out with Sky for the first time. We've been talking for a while now and we agreed that we should start the way we're supposed to go on, so wearing latex on our first date just makes sense. I am really looking forward to this. Despite, it feels about time that we get to meet each other, I feel strangely calm and utterly nervous at the same time, I think it's because I am not letting myself getting too excited over the whole thing before we actually see if this leads to anything more than what we have now. I like him, I think he's a good person, he's smart and funny and passionate about things. So out of the impatience and obsession there develops frustration because I am not good with waiting for things to happen, I don't like having to wait around. I got a little better with it, but I'm still not very good. Frustration can be something really nice, if it's caused by someone in charge and I know that I will eventually get my reward for being good, but not in this context.

I think I am only a little worried where this all will eventually lead to, but on the other side, why being worried all the time? I learnt an important lesson last year as I got injured and was unable to do even the smallest things without being in constant unpleasant pain, to enjoy every day and live in the now, not to live in a dream world, to look after myself and put my personal well-being first, do what I feel is good for me and to take a risk if I feel I should. This probably sounds pretty confusing, I think it does, but to me it makes perfect sense.

I never been totally normal, I think one reason why I'm single is that I'm not willing to settle for just a bit of what I want but aim for the perfect thing. I want to be perfect for my significant other, I believe that I can only be happy in a loving and caring D/s based relationship, knowing I am in good hands and have my partner improving me, guiding me and helping me discover the real me. I am no door matt, I am my own person, but I  am not complete. I think I digress. Right, I try to keep my expectations low, that is the reason why I don't think about what could happen next in detail, as long as I keep me in the dark, I won't be too disappointed if things won't work out. I got burnt too many times to let my guard down easily, but it's getting harder with every day.

I maybe get back to this another time, enough for today. A wank and some rubbery dreams for me I guess.

Love,

Mx

more shopping...

I ordered some semi-transparent natural coloured tights from libidex yesterday. Looking forward to getting them! I learnt my lesson on Friday night though, I will have to trim my rather strong fingernails even more, or just wear gloves when taking them off/ putting them on, as I torn a hole into my black leggings when taking them off. It's not too bad, as it's just at ankle height and sure can be fixed but I am still rather annoyed with myself about this.

I still haven't heard back from Jane Doe Latex, although I sent an email, not impressed so far, let's see how this develops.

I suppose when I get those items, I have a nice outfit together though, really exited about it! The black long sleeves top with high neck, my black pencil skirt, natural tights and my beige wrist length gloves, sounds good?

I had another look for a corset, but that's something I think I have to go to the shop for it, I know breathless have got some in stock and even if it's not the right size I can then at least see how wide they are in real and then get the right size ordered.... .

more latex...

I went for some drinks last night first and then met one of my best friends to go to fangtasia to watch a performance of 3 of our friends and for general socialising and catching up, a little dancing etc. My friends performance was outstanding, I really enjoyed it.

A lovely lady did a performance in all white latex, from top to toe, the hood has had only one eye cut out which was framed with red latex and she looked absolutely stunning, I think I was proper staring at her,lol.

We left early but that was ok, I was pretty tired myself and looking forward to stay over as he just got himself some rubber sheets and duvet covers, OMG! That was incredible. I thought I might want to leave and sleep on the sofa after a while but I actually slept really well. Good fun. Lovely smell. Can still smell it and feel it.

Unfortunately I am too stupid to take off my latex leggings with care, I torn a hole in them, just at the end of the leg, ankle height, should be ok to be fixed though, something I may have to get used to, really annoyed with myself though! I should pay more attention! Bad girl!

shopping...

just a quick one, waiting to hear back from Jane Doe Latex, ordered a long-sleeve top with high neck, in black for now, if I like it a lot I will get it in white and then the knee length skirt with black trim in white with it...hmmm

the picture gets clearer ...

... I have done a lot of self-analysing and thinking.

I think I understand now why the outlook on being wrapped in layers and layers of rubber, being covered from top to toe with this lovely stuff is so appealing to me.

Firstly, I am perfectly ok with myself, I don't want to hide behind a layer of latex, I see it as enhancement, it perfects the look, helps underlining my already existing female shape, feels and smells good and most importantly suggests control. It's pretty much like maybe chastity or corset-training is to others I think. I suppose I need(ed) a push in the right direction, waking me up, I will quote something : 'rubberist in the making', that sums it up, without someone motivating me I wouldn't have thought about it really I suppose, but that again refers to a lot of stuff I have tried and I like; someone introduced me to it. I think what makes the whole thing so appealing are a few things: the D/s aspect to it, when being pushed to more and more by your partner, the control and restriction it brings with it. The 'perfecting the look', yes, like dollification, I think. Make me perfect. The sexual aspect, I start to associate sexual arousal with latex, this started with being wrapped up in the body bag the other day, OMG! I am thinking of being wrapped into tight latex, hmmmm. I took a piece of latex with me in holiday, it's a hairpiece, I was wearing it one evening standing in the sun and suddenly a breeze came up, I could smell the sweet lovely scent of latex and I could feel my cunt responding to it instantly. So much to being a crazy pervert ;) . The pleasing your partner aspect, I like to please and it's satisfying to see and hear the others approval....
I think there is a lot more to it.

There is something else, to be honest I'm a little scared of it, just a little. I feel like I will step over the line soon where there will be no return, not that I want to return, but I know that certain experiences will change my life for ever. Realistic I would say, that's what I am, I know it's not going to do me any harm to live out something I think is going to be so right for me.

I am slowly preparing myself and my wardrobe to bring this all to the next level, surprisingly, I am nervous but not worried, I am excited but patient, I don't feel I'm in a big hurry. I will just do one step after the other. Wish me luck, I feel like I found something rather special to me.

Mx

A kink free week...

... actively anyway. I must say, I think I changed quite a lot in the last year or so. I went away for a week, summer holidays in a very vanilla environment, but I had to take some latex with me, so I packed my hair piece and a few other accessories, I have a big red rose to attach to the hair. I was really happy I did.

The 'hottest' moment in this holiday? Standing in the evening sun on the terrace of the pool bar, sipping my white wine spritzer and then 'this smell', the evening sun was shining onto the latex and a slight breeze was blowing this lovely rubbery smell through the air. Hmmmmm, felt so wrong and so right, aroused by this smell, standing in the middle of all those vanillas, such a perv me, haha.