Rubber, my biggest love and downfall

It's all in the title. I guess this will always be the one thing I have no idea what will happen, how far I will go, will I get to a point where I think 'hold on, this is too much' or will I always feel like there could be more somewhere. Hidden.
Recent encounters, old and new, in real life and online have only done one thing, and I'm not sure if I like it.
Realizing what rubber means to me has to be the biggest step I made so far in my journey of finding the real me. Knowing I relate it to a strong D/s context is frightening and reassuring.
Getting these thoughts out of my head may help to sort out my mind a bit and benefit the clear thinking.
One thing I know I need to do for sure is think less, do more.
In other words, to myself:
Take your own advice more often, Love. Me.

Rubber Wednesday

It's Wednesday 10am and I currently have all the rubber laid out on my bed. I am putting my outfit together for later. P is coming over for our first rubber playdate. We only met very recently and I'm pretty excited about meeting someone who understands the rubber/latex fetish the way I do.
After a little bit of thinking and moving items around on the bed I decide on my outfit and put away everything else I won't need. Now to carry on with my preparations. I still have plenty of time till 1pm, but I like to take my time and make sure I have everything ready. And most importantly, that I'm feeling ready. Rubber is probably the most high maintenance play of all, starting up to two days in advance with exfoliating and shaving. You can't shave on the day, rubber and freshly shaved skin don't like each other much; then some more exfoliating, it's better for your rubber as well as for your skin. On the day I do my usual play-preps.
I'm a huge fan of anal play, so I give myself a nice proper clean with the enema kit. It enhances the sensations, there's no mess and it leaves me more relaxed for play.
Another part of my preparation is deciding on what toys to get out. I settle for a variation of butt plugs, the Hitachi with attachment, inflatable dildo, cuffs and spreader bar, a rubber hood which only has a mouth opening and my S10, which was modified for more controlled breath play. Breath play excites me, a lot.
Then finally, light, scent, music. It all works together.

I start to get dressed about 45mins before P arrives. This part is as exciting as the play. The slow transformation into this rubber play thing, object, doll, fucktoy, you chose; we all feel different about it, depending on the situation and the response we get, but one thing is always the same, it's pure sex. It is beautiful. Rubber enhances your looks, the feel, and your skin transforms into this perfect shiny finish, flawless.
I start with my see-through tights, I put some dressing aid around my ankles and they slide on nicely. Then the white long sleeve high neck top, it's skin tight, thick latex, made to measure and fits like a 2nd skin. I add my white pencil skirt topped by my black underbust corset. Finishing the look with a pair of black and white plateau shoes with 5 1/2 inch heels. Now only my hood and gloves are missing. I will not put them on just yet.

A few minutes before 1pm my phone starts ringing. he is downstairs. I throw him my keys so I don't need to climb two flights of stairs to let him in. Wow, my heart is beating now, I hope he likes what I chose. I asked before the play date what he likes and he said he likes surprises. He opens the door and comes in, his smile and eyes tell me he likes what he sees. Instantly I feel a bit calmer.
He has brought a nice chilled bottle of wine and we sit down for a relaxing chat and a glass of white to take the edge off before he goes to change into his catsuit. I think we can both tell that we're a bit nervous and excited. I am definitely nervous now. After a while he gets up and goes to my bedroom to change.
I stay on the couch with my glass of wine, listening to the sounds of him dressing in his latex. I love the sound that rubber makes when you dress. I can't explain it well, but any Rubberist will know what I mean. I just sit there, close my eyes and listen. A wave of arousal rushes through my body.

He re-enters the living room and I get even more excited. I love latex and he looks really, really good in it. I ask him politely to get me my hood and my gloves. Covering up completely usually gets me into a really intense head space, it's the total transformation. I am now really nervous. Putting my hood on, zipping it up, the black and white rubber pigtails are falling down on my shoulders, it's a cool, soothing sensation. I add my gloves and that's it. Fully enclosed in latex. It's a weird feeling, I have never been with anyone except for my best friend when totally enclosed in latex and now I'm sitting here with P and for a moment I don't really know what to say or do. We have another sip of wine and then get up. Standing in the middle of my living room, he starts running his hands all over my latex clad body. I close me eyes and relax into the sensation, let him kiss me, caress me. His hands brush over my nipples and I gasp, it all feels so much more intense through the layer of latex. I feel a bit light-headed and could easily fall into my submissive mindset, but for some reason I don't.
We move to my bedroom and I am now glad I put some thought into the play as I will be topping, my first time in full rubber, he's very cute about it being my space and that I should be in charge for this first time.
Surprisingly, it works for me, my head isn't all fuzzy and subby and I'm actually excited that I do get to have my way with him for the next hour or so, I don't pay attention to time, it's not really important apart from the moments when I count the seconds whilst depriving him of oxygen, that is the only time it counts, but on to that part later.
I rid myself of my skirt and my shoes, as pretty as they are, they won't be much use now, the see-through leggings have a zip in the crotch, my corset and top are comfortable too, so the rest of my outfit stays on.

I ask him to lie down on the bed, in the middle, flat on his back and check if he's comfortable. Looking at him lying there I take a moment before I get my wrist and ankle cuffs and the spreader bar. I climb on top of him, feeling his cock pressing against his catsuit as I lower myself onto his crotch. I slowly put the wrist cuffs on, first the right then the left and clip them overhead onto my bed frame. I then add the ankle cuffs and attach them to the bar, his legs straight and in a comfortable position. I take a moment to look at him. Next is the hood, it only has a mouth opening, no eyes. I gently zip it up, making sure I won't catch his hair.
I hold in again for a second, admiring the look of my now shiny toy in front of me. I run my hands over his body; first light, then with some more pressure, feeling his muscles under the shiny black latex. My hands stroke over his crotch and I can feel his hard cock responding to my touch.
My hands go exploring for the zip of his catsuit, I undo it just enough to access his arse and expose his cock. I grab one of the thin latex gloves and using some lube I let my index finger slowly explore, caressing his cock and balls with my other hand, I can feel he is relaxing into my touch. Choosing the rubber hood makes things a lot harder for me, the missing eye contact means I have to entirely rely on reading his reactions and body language, but I think sensation-wise the hood is adding a lot to his pleasure and I want him to enjoy what I am doing with him.
I remove the glove to get my hands free to play with his cock. My mouth around his tip, slowly running my tongue down his shaft, then taking him deep. The rubber hood is making it harder for me to open my mouth nice and wide, but I enjoy the restriction, and I enjoy sucking his cock for a little while. I then focus my attention again on his butt. I get a fresh glove and gently work my way up to two fingers before moving on to my medium sized butt plug. I gently play with the plug, penetrate him, till I'm able to push it completely in. I then zip up his catsuit so only his cock is exposed, with one hand I am pushing and caressing the plug through the rubber, gently changing pressure, with the other I am playing with his hard cock. I carry on like this for a moment, hoping he enjoys it as much as I do. I entirely rely on my instincts and what I would enjoy being done to me, if I would be lying there right now.
Finally I move towards my Hitachi. I unzip the suit again so I get access to the butt plug. I remove this one and let him know that the next is attached to a vibrator, as he can't see what I'm doing and I don't want to startle him. I always wanted to have a go on a boy with my magic wand, this will be new. I still hope I will get some feedback on how it felt for him. Ultimately, I want to be able to make him come just from prostate stimulation, but as I don't know him very well, I don't expect anything from today. The Hitachi can be very intense and I don't want to push the levels of stimulation up to getting uncomfortable. I play with him for a little while and then move on to what else I have in mind for him today.
I slowly remove the hood, shielding his eyes. It is all too bright at first after a certain time in darkness, his eyes need a moment to adjust.
I give him a second and then present him with my gas mask. He smiles and nods. The words 'good boy' flash through my head and I smile. There is not a lot of verbal communication, I like it that way. I am now really excited and look forward to fucking him whilst being in control of his breathing.

The gas mask goes on and I tighten the straps around his head, making sure it sits comfortably but secure.
My hands stroke over the mask, gently, like I would be touching his face. I can see his eyes now, this is a welcome change. I like a bit of eye contact during breath play, it makes it all the more intense.

My hand is caressing his body and slowly moving to his cock. He is still hard and I can now feel my excitement too. My clit responds with a light throbbing sensation. I unzip my tights and touch myself. My pussy is wet and warm, I think it is time to fuck him now. I get a condom and pull it over his hard cock before I slowly lower myself onto him. I gasp with pleasure, feeling him slowly slide deep inside me. I love this first moment of penetration, nerve endings respond, my cunt tightening around him. I lean back a bit to feel him even deeper, and then I start to fuck him. My hands run over his upper body and towards the mask. One hand gently rests on his right cheek, the other covers up the only entrance/exit for fresh air. I silently count, holding my own breath, holding eye contact with him, slowly moving towards the rush you get when you can't breathe. I remove my hand and he takes a deep breath. I don't hesitate and cover up the air supply again, all he's got is the one breath of fresh air. His cock is now responding to my little game, I can feel him getting harder. I push him a bit further this time and his reactions are just wonderful. He is pushing his cock towards me, fucking me now. Trying to breathe, struggling in his restraints, his eyes locked with mine. One more second, two, I let him breathe.
I want to feel him up my arse so badly now, I think it's time for a small change. My tights open up just about enough to allow anal penetration. I get some lube and slowly push myself down on him. This feels so good. I carry on using his cock for my pleasure, slowly riding him, play with the gas mask and his air supply and make myself come again and again with his cock deep up my arse. The mask comes off eventually, one of the straps loosened during play, that's fine. It will stay off.
I unclip the wrist cuffs and then turn around to do the same to his ankles, I think it's time for a small change in roles now. A fresh condom and I get him to fuck me doggy style, nice, deep, hard thrusts, his hands grab me by my waist and he pulls me towards him. He fucks me and I'm high on the adrenaline of the play, the smell of rubber and the feel of him deep inside me. I completely loose my feeling for time. He comes hard. Exhausted we collapse on the bed. And then there's the real urge to get out of the rubber. I think we're both really hot and sweaty. It's time for a nice hot shower now.


All in all this was a brilliant first, I hope for a repeat sometime soon, maybe with him on top this time and naked after care cuddles included ;).

PS
(I like to say that this was extremely hard for me to write. When I sub, lots of things go through my head. I perceive the whole play a lot differently, writing about this with me being Top was difficult. I didn't want it to sound clinical but there's a lot more actual thinking and doing going on, as if you're on the receiving end. I wanted to capture this in my blog, as it was a first for me, a couple of firsts actually, and I truly enjoyed the experience. I felt nervous and excited about playing with someone new. Someone who seems to have the same passion for the material as I do. It was amazing and I hope there will be some repeats.)

Fetish Clubbing - Do I expect too much I wonder...

The rather shocking experience last night made me wonder, what are we willing to accept to be able to indulge in our fetish? There aren't that many clubs around and my personal favourite had its time and seem to have died in silence, but that is not what I want to write about, I want you to ask yourself, how awful have the standards to be that you stand up and complain and not go back till things are better? You wouldn't pay £18 to get into a vanilla Club of the same size and state, but you happily pay it for a Fetish Club, have we lost our mind?

We ventured to Club Rub last night, I personally never been before but I went to a lot of excellent and some average Fetish Clubs before, but last night truly topped this, average is not the right word, dire is, or appalling. We checked the website for ticket prices and where abouts the club is now located, finding that it has 'moved' again and we thought that can only mean the old venue wasn't good and the new one is an improvement. Well, I was mistaken. We arrived and the lady at the till was struggling as she hasn't had enough change and two of my friends had to wait till someone went to the bar and got some more, I went inside as I was desperate for the ladies and my first impression was 'ugh, it's hot in here, how am I going to survive wearing all the rubber' but first things first, finding the ladies. At the door we were informed that there is a changing area on the far left upstairs and that there is another toilet, but the toilets would be on the right in the venue if I'd prefer that. I couldn't find the stairs to the far left upstairs!!! So I gave up and went to the ladies toilets first, nearly falling over as the dancefloor had a round edge and was poorly lid, reaching the door I was surprised to find two toilets for all the people, the door of the cubicle actually nearly touching the toilet seat so you have to squeeze in next to the loo to actually get in and out again, surely that would have been even more fun all covered in latex, happy days, glad it didn't came to this.

I then went again to find the upstairs changing area....the only problem with that, there wasn't one. I found the door, the stairs were dark and I had my 2nd experience of nearly falling over as I couldn't see the first step, the lights were out, half way up they came back on, and I could actually see what I'm doing. Reaching the top I found my two friends again, one standing in the corridor and one half way inside the one toilet we talked earlier about, but there was no changing area. At that point I had enough for my liking and said that I will go home and ask my money back on my way out.

I went downstairs again, half way down the stairs the lights suddenly went again, what a fun thing to have, I'm sure that doesn't conform with any health and safety regulations, but I made it without accident and that's the main thing. I got to the till and told them briefly how disappointed I am and that I nearly fell twice( wearing flats, not even heels) in the couple minutes I was in there and asked my money back which was handed to me without discussion, although I got some puzzled looks from the girl behind the till.
I went outside and got my phone out to look up how to get home, glad I did stick around a few minutes as one of my friends was calling after me just as I started to walk down the road. She's seen enough too and decided to come with me, asked for a refund and left.

We talked about the just experienced and were both shocked about what was offered, the conditions, people accepting this blindly and paying a lot of money for it. She then told me that 4 of our friends which were in a different taxi actually changed in the outside smoking area as there was nowhere space to do so... In short, it was hot, poorly lid to the level of dangerous when the lights suddenly went off whilst you climb the stairs, there was no changing area, we couldn't see a cloakroom.

So now to the question in the title, do I expect too much? I don't think so. We went to Clubs which all charge around that mark, Club Pedestal, Surrender, Club Crimson did ... and they are held in much bigger and nicer venues; the maximum I would have accepted to pay last night would be a fiver and that still is generous.

I don't think we should accept conditions like that, I feel like we are treating ourselves not with the respect we deserve. This is London! Capital of Fetish and Filth, what have we done??? If I would have travelled from say Germany to attend this club night I would never do it ever again. If this would have been a vanilla Club night, people would have complained. So why do we accept poor conditions and cramped, hot venues? You spend a fortune on your outfits, then you go and spend even more on taxis etc, you have to pack a bag if you don't want to travel in full rubber on public transport and scare the nillas and then they charge you a lot of money for storing your bag, if there is a cloakroom and a lot of money to get in, not even talking about the bar prices now. Seriously not ok and as far as I'm concerned this Club night goes straight into the category 'never again'. A shame, because I was looking forward to showing off my white Jane Doe latex...

skin is totally overrated...

So Friday evenings are always a bit meh, I wanted to go for after work drinks as I wasn't in the best mood and gladly first one then another of my friends met up with me for a couple. We had the usual chit chat and then thought that we actually are in the mood for going out and getting all rubbered up, hehe. Plans then first changed again as my girl friend pulled out, not happy about going just to Camden, but after sitting around my friends place he soon convinced me that we should go to Surrender, so he put me in a round trip taxi to pick up my latex and things at home, as I came straight from work I haven't had anything with me, it's not that I carry emergency latex with me at all times,lol, and I soon got back and we got ready to go out. I am amazed how quickly I was dressed, with very little effort and not getting overly heated up or anything, actually not at all, I really improved on this one, love it! I was wearing my black long sleeved top, corset and leggings, black gloves and my ankle boots and I stuck the pigtails hood in my bag, to put on once we got to the venue. Really excited now about being all shiny and looking so fabulous we took a taxi to the venue. We arrived and were instantly bumping in some familiar faces, after saying hi to a couple people one of our mates and part of the crew that night gave us a little show-round and guided us to the dungeon area, which was well hidden on the upper floor, accessible via a rather steep and narrow staircase, well lid but not bright, with plenty of space to move around and all the necessary kit available I instantly liked it. Music was not to loud and catered well for the ambience in my opinion, I felt comfortable and was happy it wasn't packed or too empty but just about right.

I soon decided to put on the hood as well and as there was no mirror I asked a lovely friend of mine to give me a hand, she happily agreed to.

Now fully dressed I instantly felt different. I loved it, I think I must have been smiling like an idiot all night, I was so happy, in my little happy place, a pretty, shiny rubber doll.

My friend went off to play with another girl and I spend some time socialising and simply enjoying the atmosphere and how I felt all covered up. After a little while I joined my friend again and as if I wasn't a really happy dolly already, he then tied my up with nice soft red rope on top of the latex. I have to say, this was the first time I had bondage on top of latex and I really enjoyed it, immobility, helplessness, it all works for me. I got tied to the suspension frame, standing on my tip toes, neck wrapped with rope and linked to the whole, this was such an awesome feeling, felt like being hung from the neck, I knew it's all actually tied to the chest harness, I was able to switch off my mind and just enjoy the 'danger', hehe. As he took me down after a while I felt a little spaced and unable to move for a moment, feeling like an object, not a person was incredibly hot. I remember a friend was official photographer that night and he took some photos of this, I am curious how they going to look like and if they will reflect how I felt.... .

We left fairly early I think, but to be honest I have no real idea what time it was as we got back in. Trading the corset against a hood for the night, no eyes, just mouth opening, we went to bed, me still fully covered up, tugged in under the rubber bed sheets, I was in latex heaven.

With my sense of vision removed I felt even more objectified, my personal wants, likes and needs were secondary, he suggested that the hoods only opening would be of better use giving a blow job and then left me to decide, or better the doll as I was no longer myself and I loved it. I first hesitated, but the doll inside me was longing for being used in that way so I gave her what she needed. He soon moved me around, turned me on my back and his hands went looking for the crotch zip of my leggings, the only access point of doll without removing any layers of latex....this was all incredibly hot, I felt how my arms and legs turned less and less responsive, it's amazing how much the mind influences the body, doll took over, I was only watching now. I was pleased he just did what he wanted, I was there to be used, not to decide what will happen next. Without much preparation I felt his cock entering my cunt, he was fucking her now, using her for his pleasure and I have to admit it was incredibly hot, not being able to see, not feeling able to move or to speak. This was my first ever time having rubbered up sex, being totally covered with latex, I loved it so much! Like I said, skin is totally overrated. He turned me around after a while, the doll mind still responding and in this way my body just doing what it's told, move arms to support, spread legs to give access to my cunt and let him fuck me really hard. I personally love rough sex and it seems that a hood and lots of latex just enhance the experience and change it to ultra hot and must have more often soon. I didn't come, my hand was guided by him more than once to my clit, but I feel unable to focus on me when wanting to be of use for someone else, my pleasure is no longer important, I get pleasure of knowing he's enjoying himself, but I am unable it seems to make me orgasm just yet, I suppose I will though with a little practise, the whole experience was pretty wow and overwhelming. As he was finished with her the crotch just got zipped up and I got tugged away underneath the duvet, still wearing the hood and with the rest of my body covered in latex and then wrapped in a latex covered duvet I fell asleep with a big grin in my face.

Sleeping with the hood on was incredibly comfy. He asked me at some point during the night if I don't fancy to take some of the latex off but I refused, I didn't want to get out of my 2nd skin, I just loved it too much.

after having a good night sleep the doll in me decided that there is only one true way to wake him up and that is with her mouth around his cock, still wearing the hood I wasn't able to see his face or reactions, but having my eyes covered and imagining how it all looked was a real turn on for me. He soon moved me around again, put me on my back arms and legs in place and left me there for a second to get some toys. It's incredible how much you hear when one of your senses is taken and you have to solely rely on the other.

He pulled up the hood a little and put a rubber piece over nose and mouth, I knew this was ensure I was able to breath and nothing was blocking mouth or nose, then another hood went over the whole lot, this one has a breathing tube, it's the inflatable one, it tightens over your skin when inflated and feels incredible. The mouthpiece did a good job as it was much easier to keep the breathing tube in place, even after the hood was inflated. He then placed a wide posture collar around my neck so moving my head was out of question, too. He strapped my arms together in front of my body and applied two more straps around my upper body to make me completely immobile and then attached a re-breather bag to the tube, OMG, at this stage I had to focus for a second to not fall into panic, but I kept my calm and enjoyed. I was breathing fairly relaxed, not using up too much oxygen, but as he opened the zip to my crotch again I instantly got excited and my breathing went up, breathplay and penetrative sex together are most likely the hottest things on earth, combined with all the latex I think it all was a little bit too exciting, As I came close to not being able to breath at all anymore he read my struggles right and removed the re-breather bag, giving me the chance to get some fresh air, still difficult as it all had to go through the little tube, me still being very excited and him using my cunt for his pleasure, calling me rubber fuck doll, the doll in me felt incredibly pleased, the re-breather bag was attached one more time, but I think I need more practise with this, despite having my hand again led to my clit, I was unable to cum, short of breath the bag got removed again. I would have loved to have an orgasm like that, I remember us doing some breathplay like this and I know the orgasms are mind blowing, but I'm not sorry I didn't manage. I felt great, I was pleased about him enjoying this all so much, I enjoyed it a lot too. I was then told to get the rubber off, still not very willing to actually do so, hehe, he unzipped my top and helped me out of it and the gloves before i got out of my leggings and sent into a hot running shower, :D.

We settled for a fry up for breakfast which I probably really needed, being all weak and wobbly and still a bit floaty, hehe. I'm such a pervert,:P.

latex geeks and extreme fetishes

Right, I am currently trying my luck on okcupid. A vanilla dating webpage, yes, I know. It's going quite well though, met some really nice people over there, was on a few good dates and currently chat with someone really rather intriguing which brings me to the point. I will call him Sky for further reference.

Sky messaged me one night via the sites IM system, rather straight forward but not rude, so I replied and we got talking, we soon moved on to msn so he could share some photos, as he told me he has a really big latex fetish, well, that's fine with me I thought, but yes, he's rather crazy about it, what I find really interesting. He showed me some photos and explained me what he has in mind for his partner, how he wants her to look and all that refers to her being covered in as much latex as possible and he got me with this, I never really wasted a thought of doing this as I am really not able to finance such a big fetish, but remembering the way I felt as I was wearing a friends latex hood and my dress for a fetish night out, I get really excited about pushing this further, much further as I ever thought I am willing to go. The more we speak the more he interests me, I feel like we would get on rather well. He's worried I will make a run but I don't think his fetish is that extreme, I'm curious, not scared or put off even, understanding why he's wanting to do this.

I'm not sure if we will ever meet, but I really hope we will. I have to see how things go, I want to know if we really get on that well in real life.