embrace your inner slut...

I am feeling really happy today.
It's like my New Years Goal of being more out there, have fun and enjoy my kinks and sexuality really are working for me and I had a very hot and sexy weekend so far; starting with the Camden Crunch on Friday and snogging two very yummy boys, a steaming hot Spring Party on Saturday night and hopefully finishing off with some amazing tying at peer rope later today... .

Last night I overcome one of my fears, to an extend, but knowing now it all went well I feel confident in 'trying' it again. Some of my best friends hosted one of the most amazing and stunning kinky parties so far. Given you could signal what type of player you are with coloured ribbon around your wrist or arm, that was my chance to go down the 'whore' route and just enjoy and accept and relax, so I took a deep breath and put on a green ribbon, saying 'take me, I'm willing to be whorish', knowing this could eventually push my boundaries and get me into situations I may not like too much.
The urge to just be 'available' was bigger at the end than the fear of maybe getting 'used' in a way I may not like too much. I'm not someone who asks for play and usually end up not playing as I'm scared of getting rejected and worried I may annoy the other if I ask for play, so signalling I'm available without having to say it out loud was perfect and worked out pretty well.

Running last nights events past my inner eye I think it all went well, I am glad I got to play with some amazing people and went home with a big smile on my face. I feel as well that I got to know some of the newer people a bit better and I would have hoped to engage a little more with some of them on a play level, but maybe that will come at some point. Let's wait and see. So running the risk of sounding greedy, I wish I would have had a couple more people being a bit more demanding towards me last night, but for a first I suppose it all went well and gave me something to look forward to, embracing my slut side :D - hopefully a lot more in the next few months.... .

Silly girly fun on a school night....

Right I have to warn you, if you can't deal with so much play and spontaneity you better don't read any further :P I seem to have the time of my life at the moment, don't jinx it....

Planned were some quiet after work drinks with Nightfire and Steve, just us three, a couple of beers and then home time, but as twitter seems to work well for our group of perverts, we soon were a group of 8 or so meeting for drinks in Camden, a spontaneous munch I suppose. I loved it. After 5 days of work work work and no play I just wanted to spend some time with friends, drink and be merry. I got there just after 8pm and most of my friends were already present, including the lovely Swan who usually doesn't make it out on a school night, but as I knew of previous twitter catch up she had a bit of a rubbish day and needed some socialising and good company too. After a few drinks and people coming and leaving I moved chairs and sat next to her. I don't know what it is and why I'm like this with her, but I don't mind a bit of body contact with her, small, unnoticeable strokes over her leg, I always seem to get quite touchy feely with any of my girl friends, not just her, which hardly ever leads to more, sometimes to some girl snogging and fondling with the gorgeous Kitty, but my gay tendencies are generally quite low. I probably fit in the hetero-flexible box if you want to label me.
When I choose my play partners it's all based on attraction and mental stimulation. A Top or Dom has to be stimulating, intelligent, challenging, wiser, smart, good looking, strong-minded and persuasive, a sub boy just needs to be adorably cute, I don't care about anything else, pathetic or not, cute is key, I like to be mean to cute boys, in play they don't need to have any quality other than being cute, good and do as they told. Playing with girls is different though, it's not their sex, it's just a body, I have to be attracted to them, but it's parts of their body, the whole is just there for me to use, abuse, hurt, stroke, calm. I don't feel sexually attracted, but stimulated by the reaction I get.
We sat there for a little longer and Steve re-joined the group just before the pub called the last rounds. We left and headed down the street to pub No 2 for the night, the Dev is a dark and dirty place, somewhere you won't get told of for some light-hearted filthy behaviour. I admit I was merry at that stage, but always aware of what I was doing. My hands wandered under Swans skirt, pushing it higher up and exposing more of her long legs, she tensed up. It's adorable how much it seems to bother her that someone else around might be watching and observing, the exact thing which motivates me doing naughty things in public, if you don't want to see it you don't look, I don't force you to look my way ;). Steve and I were now stroking her body, having her sitting between us. He then suggested to take this further back at his and have me fuck her with a strap on whilst she's tied down and he's enjoying the show. Fuck yes I thought, I'm up for that. I love spontaneity, less room for chickening out as nothing is planned far in advance, things just happen. some of my best experiences so far happened spontaneously. Steve told her the plan and there was agreement. Smiling at her with my 'looking forward to later' spark in my eyes I carried on teasing her, not caring about the people around us that much.
The pub closed and we headed of to Steve's, considering walking, or taking a bus....ending up taking a taxi, which I really appreciated.
After arriving at his he handed me wrist and ankle cuffs with padlocks, after they were secure in place I got to choose a collar and picked the high posture one which looked really pretty on her. Only wearing her skirt and knickers now her cute breasts were exposed and basically screaming 'please abuse me' at us; he got some clamps, plenty actually and started applying them to her nipples, inner thighs and then some more left and right of each nipple. I started playing with the clamps, stroking her skin, running my hands down her stomach, flicking the ones applied to her thighs. I loved the look of her, relaxing into the pain, letting us play with her, trusting us. The clamps came off each followed by little gasps. I was now left alone with her for a moment. Standing in front of her I started to spank her inner thighs and her breasts. There is something oddly erotic about just using my hands, empowering maybe, it's hard to describe. Her reactions were just gorgeous and only made me want to hurt her even more.
Food was ready, so we were taking a short break now to have some pizza, which must have looked quite funny and I remember threatening her with the hot piece of pizza close to her nipple, but that was just fun and I wouldn't have done that, don't play with food and especially not with pizza! lol.
After we finished eating Steve got up and lead her to the bedroom, I followed them and watched him with great joy whilst he was preparing my fuck toy, tying her limps to the bed, spread out in front of me, I started running my hands over her legs, caressing her, being not a lot of help with the tying bit but I was filled with too much anticipation and to be honest a little nervous. I had no idea from here how to go on about things, but I didn't have to!
Once he was done with tying her down he turned to me, standing behind me he undid my jeans, pulled them down, next my top came off, then my bra, all happening smooth and effortless. Once completely naked he held the harness for me so I could step in, pulled the straps tight, first right side, then the left. I really enjoyed this being 'dressed' for what was to follow.
So for me there were two main things happening in my head at this very moment, my Top side looking forward to abuse the girls' body which was spread out on his bed for me to use. The Sub side enjoying the being prepared and being given no choice whether to keep some clothes on or what type of strap on will be used...the whole moment was very hot indeed.
Ready for some action I joined Swan on the bed, now we were both aware that this is going to be a bit of a giggle and as I had never done this before I could already see some difficulties coming my way. I figured that the position she was in wasn't going to work for me, for the disappointment of him I suppose, as he would have had no problem fucking her in this position but for me this was a bit too advanced and complicated so I asked for her to be re-positioned and having her on all fours was working out fine for both of us.
Once we had the logistics sorted I could focus on my toy again, god I really enjoyed the whole situation, knowing he was standing behind us was giving me a little kick. I found my rhythm, but was a little unsure first about how she likes it, her reactions sounded positive though and I got really off on it, amazing! On this note, god this is hard work, fuck, girls aren't made to use any of the muscle groups I used on Tuesday night and I soon had to give in and rely on dildo in hand action rather than me actually fucking her, but that gave me a bit more control as well. Overall I really enjoyed this, we had a laugh and some good naughty girl on girl fun.
We had a nice cuddle after I untied her and had checked that she had a good time too, realising he was probably in the front room, we pulled the duvet and went straight to sleep.
A little later I woke up finding myself lying between them both, wrapped up and cosy, I haven't slept so well in ages.
The aftermath:
-I need more practise.
-I would have enjoyed him joining in and I'm pretty sure I'm not alone with this thought.
-I am looking forward to some face to face feedback from her.
-I need a personal trainer to build up those 'fucking muscles'

Fucktoy Tuesday? WTF! ;)

ok ok, I got myself into this allllll by myself again, haha, I'm not complaining :D!

still owing him a blow job I couldn't resist but started to stroke his cock, hoping he'll just grab my head and push it under the duvet and guess what, he did! God, it's hot under the duvet, totally added to the feeling used feeling. I got to suck his gorgeous cock for a little while but was then thrown over and held down to be fucked hard from behind, his hands pushing me down into the pillow with all his weight, holding me there in place, fucking me. I like the violent approach and the you're just a fucktoy treatment, thinking of being used and abused really turns me on. Rather harsh instructions follow, ass out, face down! I open my legs even wider and move towards his hard thrusts, wanting to feel him even deeper. His deep thrusts pushing me into the pillows, I love being fucked like that.

He then let go of me and turns me around on my back, everything happens really fast, as he sits on my chest and pushes his hard cock deep down my throat I think he'll probably face fuck me, which is really hot, but he just pushes his cock deep in and holds it there, cutting of air, making me struggle and gag violently, he allows me a few breaths and pushes his cock back in, repeating the same thing a couple more times, I look up at him, my eyes pleading him to let go of me, but he seems not to care, reducing me to a sobbing, pathetic mess he let's finally go and I try to catch my breath.

Not giving me long to recover he's back to fuck me again, legs wide spread, my muscles ache, his hands first over my mouth and nose then move on to strangulation, oh god I'm scared of this, it's hot, frighteningly hot! Feeling his strong hands holding tight around my neck, his cock entering my cunt with hard deep thrusts, he's fucking me whilst slowly cutting off the air flow, my head feels hot, I feel my heartbeat in my ears, I start to struggle, the grip of his hands is tight and painful, I struggle harder, trying to get away, terrified of passing out, of this unknown feeling of losing all control, he finally let go of my throat. I take a few deep breaths but his hands are already back around it and squeeze.
I lose count of how often he repeats this, but as I thought it couldn't get any scarier he pushes the pillow into my face, this is terrifying. there is no eye contact possible, something which kinda makes me feel still safe sometimes. First I can still breathe, restricted, it's not easy but still works, but he then pulls left and right of the pillow down to the mattress level, the fabric feels really hard all stretched and pulled down, my face totally enclosed by it, I am getting really off in this now, I can tell as I'm getting really really wet. I keep struggling though, trying to lift the pillow up on a site to get some air and it works, sort of, till I get caught out. He then tells me to put my hands on his ass and pull him in and have him fuck me real deep. I feel used, he's still suffocating me, I start to think all sort of things, will he make me pass out? does he care? is he getting off on this? I'm scared, I need to breathe, I need some air, now! I'm begging now, desperate and he finally let go of the pillow and let me take a few deep breaths. Now lying next to me he pushes my head towards his cock and demands me to make him come. My efforts are pathetic, I'm shaking, I can't breathe properly because of being a sobbing mess earlier, I actually want to cry. My at this stage best efforts are lousy and not at all satisfying, I can tell, getting told off for taking a break to catch my breath I wish I would have more energy to do a better job. He then confirms what I already knew, this is not good enough, too slow, I feel rubbish.

He tells me to go on my knees, hold on to the bed frame with both hands and to not let go of it, to open my legs wide and push my ass out. I'm all shaky, actually I feel broken. I'm simply obeying now, I have no energy any more not to. His cock enters my cunt again, and he fucks me, his thumb entering my ass I think I will just have to take this now, what ever will happen, he withdraws his cock and spits on my ass hole, degrading but oh so hot, oh so scary, the thought of his big cock up my tight ass, half an hour ago I may still had the energy to argue or pull away, now though I just hoped he's not going to tear me apart. I'm shaking, my muscles, my throat, everything is aching. I feel his hands remove mine from the frame, first one then the other and moving my legs together making me lie down flat on my tummy, his body resting now on mine, I'm breathing heavily, trying to recover, to calm down, shaking uncontrollably. A few minutes in and I start to relax. That's what happens when you play with my cock, he says. Silly girl, I reply. You're already not sorry any more you did though, he is right, I'm not, it was fucking hot! Maybe I even want to pass out next time I get used and played with.

I am addicted to fear?

Mxx